to tell you how much I miss you.
The nights are getting harder again. I have been holding it together pretty well during the day, with small crying spells here and there, but the past few nights have been worse than usual. My sleep is starting to be like the first week that we lost you. I stay up pretty late, force myself to go to bed, cry alot and eventually fall asleep.
Amazingly I have worn makeup to work a few times this week for the first time since you died (which I also managed to keep on throughout the day - a big accomplishment) and that helps cover up my tired, sad looking eyes.
Maybe it has gotten worse because we will be at the 6 week mark soon. Maybe it is because we are going back to see Dr. A next week. Part of me is looking forward to the appointment. I have tons of questions. But part of me is scared of being in her office again, the place that she couldn't find your heartbeat. Tuesday is going to be so tough, but nothing will be harder than losing you. I feel like I can get through anything now because I have already been through the worst.
I know you are with us now and will be with us on Tuesday. I hope we get signs from you for years to come. They give me so much comfort.