Thursday, May 26, 2011

May 26, 2010

I am feeling the pressure of the few days I had left with him last year. Like someone is sitting on my chest.

A year ago today, Ted and I went to see The Wizard of Oz. Our friends (Phil, for Filomena) daughter Paola was Dorothy. It was her acting and signing debut and I was excited for her. We got there and Phil had saved us seats. I was wearing my black maternity pants and my royal blue T-shirt. It was a warm day and the theatre didn't have air conditioning. I was always warm because of being pregnant too, but I wasn't very uncomfortable in the theatre.

At intermission, they were selling water. I didn't want any, but Phil bought some and gave it to me, saying that I need to drink alot.

I watched Paola sing and wondered if the baby could hear. It was coming up to the time when they are supposed to be able to. I know I felt at least one or 2 kicks during the show. I don't know if he was alive or not at that point. May 26, 2010 was also the day that my anatomy scan was originally scheduled, but it had been moved up because of the results of the IPS.

We went to Phil's house after the play and she had an enormous spread of fruits and cookies, as always. Most of the time, Ted and I were sitting together. I stood up and talked to a few people a little bit too. I ate a ton of watermelon, since I craved that throughout the pregnancy. I also drank juice. The women sitting around started asking me how far along I was and talked about the glucose test and what it was like for them. I love being in the "Mom" group.

I think we only stayed until 10pm or so, since I was always really tired at night.

This year, I am going to a Face2Face meeting tonight. I'm grateful for it, but a year ago today, I never, ever thought that I would be where I am today.  I saw an ad in the paper today for Doors Open Toronto. I have gone for the past 5 years, but can't this year. It was what we did the last weekend before we found out. Now even seeing the words in the paper hurt.


Rhiannon said...

Thinking of you. I hope that you have a nice time at your meeting tonight. Lots of love.

Missy said...

It's depressing the things we used to love that are darkened by shadow. I hope the F2F meeting is wonderful for you.

The Wellman's said...

thinking of you!

mommy4boys said...

I love you, girl. There are so many hard moments here. This all sucks so much. But know that Jacob is with you through all this. I am always thinking of you and sending you love.

Drew's Parents said...

I hope one day you might be able to go back to the Doors Open Toronto. I know there will always be the bittersweet memory of May 26th, 2010. <3
We certainly never expected to members of this particular mom's group, huh? <3 Sending you big loving hugs!