I wrote a journal entry on this date, about the ultrasound on the 17th, getting referred to Mount Sinai and talking to Dr. A.
I also wrote this:
The baby wasn't giving me alot of kicks for a few days, just one or two, but I can feel a slight shifting movement sometimes and then the area I felt the shifting is hard. I felt alot more kicks yesterday, which I just love. I haven't felt any on the outside yet and I'm looking forward to that day. Ted has felt the shifting when resting his hand on my belly.
My favorite times of the day are when the baby kicks and in the morning and at night when I am lying in bed and can really feel the outline of my uterus and just imagine my little baby in there. My baby! I love him already. The picture that we got after the ultrasound on Monday is so cute. He has big lips (Ted's), an adorable nose and a long neck. Everyone at work was saying what a good picture it is. Mom showed it to Dad and said "doesn't it just make you love him!" and Dad said that it sure does and seeing the picture makes him feel closer to the baby.
The next time I wrote in my journal was June 3rd, 2 days after he was born.
I'm always trying to figure out when he died. The ultrasound I had on May 31st said that it looked like he had been gone for about a week. I still felt kicking up until the day I found out he was gone, but I felt the shifting movement more often.
When I was induced, the first thing that happened was that the shifting movement and my belly getting hard on one side got more and more frequent and then it got painful. Was he gone a few days before May 23rd and that's why I felt that then? But then why did I feel alot more kicking on May 22nd (and for a few days after... I felt kicks until the day I found out he died)? Had he slowly been getting weaker and weaker, then he had a little fight left in him on the 22nd and then he died?