April 24, 2010 - Cherry Blossoms

I was 15 weeks pregnant. Laurie emailed on the 23rd and told me about a mom-to-mom sale in Etobicoke and we planned to meet there. It is basically a huge garage sale of mother's selling the clothing, toys and baby items they no longer need. Laurie and my Mom bought alot for Ben. I didn't know if I was having a boy or girl yet, so I didn't buy much, just a pink sleeper from one of Laurie's friends (Melissa, who has 2 girls). Laurie told Melissa that I'm pregnant, so Melissa gave me this:

Then Ted and I went to High Park to see the Cherry Blossoms, which only bloom for a short period of time each year. We parked on a side street and I still remember walking on that street and just appreciating everything that I had. I was so happy to be pregnant. Looking back now, I know that I never did take one second of it for granted.

It was beautiful at the park and Ted took several pictures of me. There was also a little zoo there and we spent some time looking at the animals, particularly the peacocks. I also spent alot of time watching the families and imagining us there with a stroller at the same time next year.

You can see my belly starting to pop out in
this picture. It started growing really quickly
from this time on.

_____________

This didn't happen on the 24th, but it was sometime in April. In my quest to help the nausea, I always had juice with me. Ted and I bought a 6 pack of Allen's Apple Juice bottles. I grabbed a bottle before leaving the house one day and noticed a weird smell right away. I started looking at the bottle closely and noticed that the juice was really dark, it was leaking and there was something floating in it, which turned out to be a circular piece of mould about an inch in diameter. It was disgusting.

I emailed the company and they sent me a $5 coupon for my next purchase. There hasn't been another purchase of that brand and it took me awhile to be able to drink apple juice out of a bottle again.

April 24, 2011

Yesterday, Ted worked in the backyard and I did stuff around the house until it was time to leave to visit Jackie. I got to her flower shop at 1:30 and didn't leave until 5:15. There were alot of tears and some laughter. The hours just fly by when I'm talking to her. We have so much in common and I feel so comfortable with her. I noticed she had two bunny statues in the cooler with the flowers and she said it is like they are Oscar and Jacob and said that I could take one. I didn't know which one to chose, of course, and wanted her to do it. Then I remembered that I saw a bunny in my backyard twice the day before. He looked more like one of the bunnies, so I chose that one, which worked out well because she saw Oscar as the other one.



I took the one on the right



I wanted to bring some daisies home, for Oscar, and she ended up giving me a whole bunch of beautiful flowers, including lilacs (which remind me of Jacob) and roses. I was overwhelmed by how much she gave me. I realized that we haven't had fresh flowers in the house since Jacob died and people sent some to us.

I stopped at the garden on the way home and took this picture:

Jacob is buried where the flowers are

I got home with my arms full of flowers and surprised Ted and Sadie. Sadie loved them and ran after me meowing. I got the flowers into vases, which I hadn't unpacked until yesterday, and put them around the house.

Alot of the gifts I've received for Jacob are in the box
on the dresser.

When you first find out that your baby has died, you can't see anything good that can possibly come of it. But because of Jacob, I have made some really good friends, and now I've made another. I like to think that I would have met these women in some other way, that we would have met if our babies had lived, but who knows. I like to think that our babies have orchestrated us meeting. That the Mom's I'm friends with are the Mom's of the babies that Jacob is friends with. I feel like I have a glimpse into what he is experiencing, by knowing more about his friends.