Tuesday, April 12, 2011

April 12, 2010 - Told my coworkers

I had been thinking of when and how to tell my coworkers that I was pregnant since I found out that I was.
I had worked at the same place for 12 years at that point, but had only changed departments in August 2009. I felt bad that they went to the trouble of interviewing and hiring for my current position, only be told that I would only be there for just over a year before going on maternity leave for a year. But there was someone else who worked in my old department who had only worked there for 2 months before getting pregnant, so I figured I shouldn't feel too guilty. Ultimately I didn't, it was just something that bothered me a little.

I wanted to tell my boss first and get it over with first thing in the morning. I went just after 8:30am, but he wasn't there. So I went back a few minutes later and he was back in his office. I liked my boss (he doesn't work there anymore), but I didn't actually work with him a lot, so I didn't know him that well. I went to his office and asked if he had a minute. As I shut his door, I saw a look of worry cross over his face and realized he thought that I was quitting. So right away I said that it wasn't anything bad and I sat down and told him that I was pregnant. His face lit up. It was so cute. He was so happy, smiled often and said how wonderful it is to have kids (he has 2). He said not to listen to anyone who says that it isn't wonderful. He showed me a picture of his kids, we talked for a few more minutes and then I left. It was such a relief.

I think I told Jen next and I'm pretty sure she jumped up and hugged me. I don't remember what order I told the rest of the people in my department in. Probably Chris, then Sheila, then Perry, then Cate. They were all happy. They asked when the baby was due and how I was feeling. Cate started to think of a nickname she would call the baby and we eventually decided on Sunny.  I went downstairs and told my old boss and showed her the pictures of his ultrasound and she was excited.

From then on, Sheila came to my desk every day or two and asked how I was feeling (she turned out to be one of the most supportive people at work after Jacob died) We talked alot about morning sickness and tricks to feel better. She told me of the time that cheesecake always made her feel better, so her husband found a sale, bought several and froze them and that same day, she discovered that not only didn't she like it anymore, she couldn't stand it.

As I got bigger, Sheila would come over and mention that she noticed it. When I started popping out at 16 weeks, she said that I was getting bigger every day. I loved hearing that.

Once everyone in my department knew that I was pregnant, Ted and I started telling our other friends at work and soon it seemed like everyone knew. Every few days for about a month, someone new would come up to me and say that they just heard and congratulations. It was so nice.

Yesterday I went out walking with Antoinette at lunch and I ended up talking about Jacob alot. She called me every 2-3 days after he was born and before I came back to work, so I was surprised yesterday when she asked if I held him. She said that I had been getting really big before he died. I loved hearing that too. I guess it makes sense that I have trouble remembering how big I was, since I've been my regular size my whole life and only that size, my favorite size, for a few months.


Elaine said...

These are tough days to remember. But also sweet. It's nice to look back on all of the excietement and fun we had with our boys.
I got your card, thank you so much. I love getting Blaine mail, so much better than just bills. Especially on days like this when I need a pick me up. I love the heart. Thanks for thinking of us this week. I'm just barely getting through.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciated your last comment on my blog.. your words came to me on a day when I really needed them. I guess that is what this community is all about.. supporting one another as beast we can, especially as the days pass and we feel further away from the moments when we first saw our precious children.

I so wish that life were different for all of us, for anyone who has lost a child. Your memories of last year are so bittersweet.. he was there and then he was gone. That feeling has such an inexplainable balance for me.. and like many others I wish so badly that I could go back to just one moment when he was still alive.. if only.

*Lauren* said...

I just wanted to thank you for your comment on my latest blog entry. I'm so sorry for the loss of your Jacob and little angels; your story is absolutely heartbreaking.

I see that you're blogging through the days of where you were at last year in your pregnancy. I think that's a good way to keep remembering and I hope that you're able to hold onto those memories always. I saw your other rainbow blog, also. I'm praying that you will get your rainbow soon and maybe some peace along with that.

By the way, your Jacob is handsome <3

Thinking about you and praying for you *hugs*

Drew's Parents said...

I wish their support could have been in the form of advising you on dealing with pregnancy aches and pains and taking care of a newborn.
But, I am so glad that you did have a supportive group of colleagues after Jacob passed away. After the worst happens, you really do find your truest friends and confidants <3 <3 <3