Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Miscarriage

My doctor thinks I have had a miscarriage. Two babies lost in one summer.

I called at 9am today and the nurse said my hCG level dropped from 83 on August 24 to 50 on August 26 and that my doctor was in her office going over the results when I called. She asked if I wanted to know if my doctor thinks that it is related to my last pregnancy or if it is related to a new pregnancy (of course I did). She said she would check with her. So I waited for the next 6 hours for her to call me back. Finally, I called the nurse and when I said my name, she said "Oh yes" and promptly told me what my doctor said. She had probably known for hours. I wish she had just called sooner.

Anyway, she said that because it has been more than 10 weeks since I had Jacob, they think the bleeding and the elevated hCG is from a new pregnancy. So, just because I needed to hear it, I confirmed that that  meant that I had a miscarriage on August 20 and she agreed. I have to get another blood test done in a week, which means I have to go back in that office and pick up the requisition. The last visit there was tough and now I have to do it again. It's not going to happen today.

I have cried alot since confirming that it was a miscarriage. I suspected it all along, but I kept hoping that I was actually pregnant. I know early miscarriages are fairly common, but losing 2 babies in less then 3 months just makes me wonder what is wrong with my body. And now I have 2 angels in heaven. One was more than enough.

I hope my hCG level goes down in time for us to have a chance in September.

We got the keys to the house today. It just wasn't supposed to be this way. I should be celebrating. Instead I just have even more to be sad about. Today is 3 months since I found out Jacob died.

22 comments:

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

Oh Dana, I am so very sorry about your precious babies. I'll be praying for you - and praying for September.

Julie said...

oh, dana. i don't even know what to say. it's just all so unbelievably unfair.

i'm saying a prayer for you. i know it's not enough - nothing is.

Angela said...

Oh, Dana. I saw this and my heart shattered for you. I'm so sorry, friend. I know today is hard for you anyway with it being Jacob's anniversary. I linked to this on my blog since I am in the middle of writing a post. Please let me know if you want me to take it down.

Wishing I could hug you.

Drew's Parents said...

I am in tears for you, Dana. This is so cruel and awful, and I am so so so sorry. I wish there was something that I could say or do to make things right. I am hugging you and holding you close. I love you so much.

car said...

Dana, what a terrible way to mark your first day in your new house and Jacob's 3 month anniversary. I wish there was something more I could do to help.

Michelle said...

I am so sorry Dana. ((((HUGS)))

Andrea said...

I am sorry you have to go through more pain and sorrow. Thinking of you. <3

Melissa said...

I know nothing I say will help much, but just know that I'm thinking about you

Shanna said...

This is just awful. I'm so sorry. You'll be in my thoughts. *hugs*

Suzanne said...

Thinking of you Dana. I'm so sorry that this happened.

Mrs.Spit said...

I'm so very sorry, that's a great deal to handle. Hoping you can have a bit of a break, you've had a lot to handle.

Kristin said...

So, so sorry Dana. I am so sad and heartbroken for you.

Elaine said...

Dana I am so sorry. I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I was so hoping this would be good news for you. xoxo

Danae said...

I'm so sorry Dana. My heart absolutely aches for you. Sending you love and hugs and wishing you a little peace in this exceptionally difficult time. You are in my thoughts my dear friend. Please know I'm here for you.

Melissa said...

So sorry you are going through this. <3

butterflymom said...

Dear Dana,
I'm so sorry. My heart just breaks for you. Please know you have many people who are thinking about you and sending heartfelt wishes and prayers your way. You are not alone... Love and hugs to you always, sweetie.

Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry Dana. Sending you a lot of love and hugs. I know Jacob's due date is today and that makes things even harder. I pray that the coming days would be better. I will remember Jacob with you. ((hugs))

Rhiannon said...

I am so sorry to read this news this morning. Know that I am thinking of you and Jacob today. (((HUGS)))

Emily said...

What a huge blow. I'm sorry Dana. Sending positive thoughts your way.

Violet1122 said...

Dana - my heart just broke at the title of your post. I wish I had something I could say that would be helpful and comforting. I'm so sorry you have another angel in heaven. I'm so sorry this has happened so soon after losing Jacob. I will never understand babyloss - NEVER.

Please know I am here for you, absolutely 100%. You will be close in my heart and prayers...

((Big Hugs))

Lucid Anne said...

Oh Dana my heart is broken for you. :( I am so so terribly sorry.

Bridget said...

I'm so so sorry, Dana. Sending biiiiig hugs to you!!