So it is Tuesday and Tuesdays are typically bad days for me. I had a surprise last Tuesday when I noticed that it was 10:30am and I hadn’t relived what happened the day Jacob was born from 6-9am like I had always done since he was born. No such luck today. I am reliving it all, sitting here crying at my desk as I do.
We got the cats back on Friday so I got up 15 minutes early today to spend some time with them before getting ready and leaving for work. I lay on the couch and turned on HGTV and Colin and Justin’s Home Heist was on. When I was pregnant, I always got up a few minutes early and lay on the couch feeling my belly and would watch the end of that show. Well, it just brought it all back and I started crying and crying as I lay there. Oliver came and lay on my chest and put his paw on my cheek. It was pretty cute, but I just want my baby back.
I got really upset over something on the weekend. We have a big family reunion on my Mom’s side of the family on August 15th. The organizer sent an email to each family asking how many people are coming. My parents wrote back and said that each of their kids, their kids spouses and their only grandchild Ben would be attending. Their *only* grandchild. Who was that baby they all held on June 1 and cried over? Did they really have to use the word *only*? Couldn’t they have just said their grandchild Ben? I called my Mom and told her that I was upset about it. She said that all of her friends talk about their grandchild that way if it is their only one. They always say “only grandchild” before the child’s name. But do they all have one living grandchild and one dead grandchild? I don’t think so. And they cc’d me on the email, so they knew that I’d see it. Also, the email was sent (and I saw it) on the 2 month anniversary of Jacob’s birth. They didn’t say a thing to me about it being 2 months, no one in my family did, but they sent that email and twisted the knife a little bit more. I am trying to get over it, but I’m having trouble. I know they didn’t write it to hurt me or deny Jacob’s existence, but couldn’t they have been a little more thoughtful about it. My Mom is usually really worried about hurting people’s feelings - didn’t it occur to her that this would hurt mine?
I’m so grateful to all of my babyloss Mom friends who acknowledged his 2 month birthday. I would have been even more of a mess that day then I was if no one had. I appreciate you all soooo much.