Today is 9 months since Jacob was born. I really, honestly have no idea how I am still alive and functioning. I couldn’t see a few days into the future for the longest time, the future was just an abstract concept, and suddenly it is 9 months. How was the 6 month anniversary 3 whole months ago? How is it that time can move so slowly but so quickly all at once?
I don’t have much to say today. The flashbacks started on the way to work and I just don't know how today will go.
I miss him, I ache for him. I miss what we had together while he was alive, I miss what we could have had together. Our relationship is far different than I ever thought my relationship would be to my child, but I am so grateful that he is mine….that we had him for as long as we did. It wasn’t long enough, but it was better than nothing.
I love you baby boy. Thinking of you always. I hope you are happy and comfortable where you are and you know how much you are loved and missed.
Update: Tonight we got pizza and drove to the garden. We sat in the car eating (because it was cold). Ted said that it is hard to believe that this happened to us. We got out of the car and stood by the garden for awhile, hugging and telling Jacob how much we love and miss him.