Sunday, September 5, 2010


I feel like I'm just not as with it since I lost Jacob. I can't concentrate on conversations unless they are about Jacob or babyloss. I can talk about other subjects with babyloss Moms and concentrate then, but not if it is with someone who hasn't lost a baby. I follow the conversation for a minute or two and then I am daydreaming again.

I have also done something twice now that I've never done before. I'll be driving and pull up somewhere to park and I'll just turn the car off without putting it in park. Good thing the car doesn't let me take out the key, which makes me look around to figure out what is wrong. This only started happening last week. I really have to make myself pay more attention. I've also caught myself sitting at a red light when I want to turn right. In Ontario, you can turn right at a red light but I find myself waiting for the light to turn green. Not a huge thing, but it annoys the drivers behind me.

I also have about 5 things going at once. When I was packing up everything at the condo, I would start a box of something. Then I'd think of something else and go and start another box, then I'd think of another thing and start another box. Not very efficient. I do the same thing with unpacking.

I also have such a hard time making decisions, even simple ones.  Where should a box go? I have no idea. When I'm doing laundry, should I wash lights or darks first. I need to think about it for a minute. What do I want for lunch? No clue. What should I wear today? Give me awhile to figure it out or just pick something for me, that would be easier.

When will I start thinking like a normal person again? 


Angela said...

I feel exactly as you do. I went from pregnancy brain to loss brain and there really doesn't seem to be much difference between the two. Decision making has been so difficult for me since Charlotte died. When presented with options I tend to fall to pieces. It really would be best if someone could just feed and dress us for a while (say a year?) so we don't have to think.

Mrs.Spit said...

Yes. I remember that. I remember driving to church and having absolutely no memory of how I got there.

The thinking does return, or at least it did for me.

You can always email and ask me questions like this. I don't mind and I know it meant so much to have other mum's who were further along the path, who could answer my questions.

Anonymous said...

I definitely understand this feeling. I think for me, it kind of started to fade about a month ago. I still have a hard time with like, short term memory stuff though. I wonder if its some kind of post traumatic stress disorder?

Emily said...

I remember this very clearly in the first few weeks after Aidan died. I felt completely at a loss to make any important decisions. It faded for me pretty quickly, mostly I think because I'm a pretty opinionated person and I like making decisions about things. Maybe if you're a person that regularly takes longer to think things over, this will continue for longer for you. I think we all just get over our hang-ups when we are ready. But, if you are finding yourself really unable to concentrate or if it's bothering you a lot or affecting your work or safety, you might want to mention it to your doctor and/or therapist (if you have one).
It's a regularly commented on phenomenon in all the grief/loss books though, so I wouldn't stress too much.

Violet1122 said...

Oh, yes. I know this one well.

I used to zone out while driving, A LOT. Sometimes I still find myself doing that on a particularly bad day, but luckily not so much anymore.

The thing most common for me was driving on the freeway, and going way too slow. There would be drivers blaring their horns, swerving around me, etc. And it would always take me a while to figure out what everyone was so mad about.

Oh... I guess I'm going 30 under the speed limit!

It does fade with time. Plus, you gotta give yourself some extra time - moving in the middle of all of this would make anyone a little more scatterbrained than usual!

Elaine said...

That is so normal Dana. You are experiencing the mental and physical effects of great grief. Check this out:
While I'm sure it doesn't help much to know that what you're going through is normal, I found it did help me to at least know I wasn't going crazy!!
And there are a lot of hormonal effects to giving birth that your body and brain are adjusting to even months after labour.
What helps me get through the scattered days are focusing on one thing at a time and forcing myself to. Even if it means letting something at work or home go. Spending some time alone, reading or blogging. Sleep. I am almost 5 months into this journey and still having these issues but if I take it slow it makes it easier.

car said...

Dana, I am 5 months out and I can't concentrate or make decisions. I especially find that I mix up the order of words in sentences and can't think of the word I want. For me baby brain + grief brain = very little thinking power, and it's not getting better yet.

Danae said...

I find myself able to concentrate better now (some days are still bad) but I still don't make most little decisions. I've never liked making decisions about lunch and things like that before, and I sure don't like it now. I had to make the hardest decisions of my life on April 30th, so the little decisions don't matter to me anymore...maybe someday I will be able to make them again, but right now, my attitude about it is "whatever".

Drew's Parents said...

Along with feeling scatterbrained, I have a certain amount of apathy that I didn’t used to have. I will forget things or do the wrong thing and think, “who cares, nothing but Drew really matters anyway.” Everything comes down to Drew. I get so easily bored or distracted talking about anything that doesn’t lead to Drew. I try…but I NEED to be able to bring him into conversation at a moment’s notice. If I can’t, I have no interest in participating in the conversation. Sometimes I feel guilty about that, other times I feel ornery and stubborn about it. I think once we find our new routines, our minds will be able to concentrate better. In the meantime the grief makes things very cloudy. Thinking about you always. (((Hugs)))