On March 4th, a Canadian show called Flashpoint was filmed in the office building I work at. I was 7 weeks pregnant with Jacob at the time.The building has an atrium in the centre and you can see down into the atrium from all of the floors. Most of the filming was done in the atrium, so a bunch of us would stand on a higher floor and watch the filming.
The building was supposed to be a morgue (the scenes in exam rooms were done somewhere else...our building was just the main entrance of the morgue). I had no idea what the story line was.
The episode was on TV the other night. Turns out the story line was about a baby who died at 6 months old. The father said that it was SIDS (the mother wasn't home), but the father was arrested because the baby showed signs upon autopsy of shaken baby syndrome and the father was arrested (in the end, it was proven that the baby had meningitis...after the father kidnapped the mother at gunpoint and went to the morgue to have the results reviewed....which was when the error was discovered). There were moments in the show when the grief over losing the baby was shown. The box of packed clothing in the kitchen, the nursery with the crib still set up, the parents saying that they shouldn't be in the position they were in and the tears and the grief.
The doctor at the morgue brought out the autopsy report and told the parents not to look because there were pictures of the autopsy and then it hit me that there are likely pictures of Jacob's autopsy somewhere. I know x-rays were taken because they were mentioned in the report. I know he was normal "upon internal examination". I just never thought about the pictures that are out there somewhere of my son's organs.
It is weird to think back to the time when the filming was taking place at work. I was 7 weeks pregnant and very happy and, although the baby in the show died under very different circumstances, it turns out I was watching the filming of a subject that I would soon know far too much about.
Our sad ticker
9 comments:
Oh my goodness, Dana. How strange that that particular episode dealt with the topic of infant loss. I can just imagine how your mind went back to being seven weeks pregnant with Jacob watching the filming maybe wondering what the episode was going to be about. Who would have guessed infant loss...and who would have thought you would have experienced the loss of Jacob?
I also never thought about the pictures from pathology, but I know you are right. I have seen pictures from my other surgeries and pathologies, but no one said anything about the autopsy. I think it would be too much to see him like that.
Sending you BIG BIG hugs! <3 <3 <3
I saw that show the other day and it always makes me think that they create these shows out of lives worse tragedies that most people just hope to never endure - but yet we have. Hugs to you.
Wow, it's pretty weird to think it was filmed before your losses but then you saw it after, so surreal. We shouldn't know a thing about losing babies. Big hugs
What a weird coincidence! I guess for most people, losing a baby is a tragic story you read about or watch on a TV show. It's awful that we have had to live it and survive it.
Thinking of you all the time... ((Big Hugs))
A very odd coincidence that the show happened to be about babyloss. And it is awful to think that some one had to take pictures of the insides of our children, instead of us taking dozens of pictures of their happy smiling faces.
That's eery to think about you watching a TV show being made that turned out to be about infant loss while you were pregnant with Jacob. It is just awful that we unfortunately know all too well the ins and outs of this topic. I wish we didn't and that things like losing your baby only happened on TV. Thinking of you and your sweet babies. <3
That's a weird coincidence. I wonder about what else is out there in the world regarding Blaine too. Hospital records, photos, anything. I kind of look at it from the perspective that at least he exists somewhere else. In some filing cabinet somewhere there is evidence that he was here. It's not just in my head!!
I just found your blog from a link on Faces of Loss. It is very hard to go through many losses. One year ago in Dec. 2009 I miscarried at 6 weeks and then in May 2010 I miscarried at 9 1/2 weeks and then my little David was delivered still on Oct. 27, 2010 at 17 weeks 6 days. I'm afraid to go on thinking it's going to happen again. I do have other children though, but did not have any problems back then. I will pray for you!!
What an eerie coincidence! :( <3 :hugs: Isn't it weird how in hindsight, there are connections that can be made? Like, I never took breastfeeding class, or infant care class, only childbirthing class.... in hindsight, I realize part of me never TRULY believed I'd really have a baby to bring home... and I didn't.
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