I was at my Mom and Dad's house last night and my Dad asked if I had looked at the local paper. I hadn't and he told me that there was something about the first New Year's baby born at the hospital that Jacob was born at.....a baby boy born to a white mother and a black father (just like Jacob). He got me the paper and since I like to make myself miserable, I looked at the pictures and read the story. It didn't say who delivered the baby, but I ran into my OB at Home Depot a few days after Christmas and she said that she was working on New Year's Eve, so I'm pretty sure that she did.
That baby would only been 2 months gestation when Jacob was born. There was a picture of the baby and then a picture of the thrilled Mom and Dad and the big, healthy, full-term baby in the hospital bed. Of course I stared at both pictures for awhile, thinking of how different our hospital picture is. A heartbroken Mom and Dad and a too small, dead baby boy. But a baby boy who was loved every second of his life and is loved every second that passes after his death.
I was in the subway yesterday at lunch and there was a woman with a baby girl in a stroller. Someone asked her how old her baby is and she said 3 months. Jacob would have been 3 months old in a week. I had to walk as far away from them as I could in the train and then stand at the door so that people wouldn't see how hard I was struggling not to cry. I also saw a facebook status the other day that my brother-in-law's sister posted. She had a baby boy 2 weeks after Jacob was due and said how hard it is too see your baby in pain while the baby is teething. I wish I knew how that felt.
With those 2 things happening yesterday, I got home and had a good cry.
Then today I finally got AF. Exactly 6 weeks after my miscarriage. I also started AF last year on January 7th, which was the start of the cycle that Jacob was conceived in.
So I had another huge cry tonight and I don't think I'm done for the night either. At least I have a needy little cat curled up in my lap who is trying to give me kisses with a rough little tongue.