Christmas Eve and an unexpected surprise

Right after losing Jacob, I was given the phone number of a woman at my church who had lost her baby 6 years ago. I called her 5 days later and we talked a few times, for several hours each time. She was a big help to me in the beginning, listened to me cry, listened to my fears and answered alot of questions. She said a few things that have always stuck out to me. Many were good and helped me heal, but one of them has haunted me a little. She said that at Christmas, I will probably be the only one who remembers Jacob.

I'm happy to say that that wasn't the case. 

On Christmas Eve day, my sister Laurie told me that they had a surprise for us that night. I figured that it had something to do with Jacob, but didn't know what. I suspected it might be a Teddy Bear.

On Christmas Eve night, my sister Jessie called Ted and I into my kitchen, clearly to get us out of the living room. When we came back in, this is what we saw.

As Ted and I stood in front of the chair, with my family gathered around, I cried and cried. The minute I saw it, the tears came. Tears that I couldn't control at all, tears that made it so that I couldn't even speak. I was shaking and crying and was so grateful. I didn't even see Ted's reaction because he was standing behind me, taking it in too. 

Each of these items is so special and involved so much thought. 

The bear:

The outfit the bear is dressed in is one that my Mom bought for Jacob before he was born. I didn't even know about it until now. There was a bow around the bear's neck that had Jacob written on it. The bear is the perfect colour. We wanted one that was somewhere between white and black, since I am white and Ted is black.  I slept with the bear on Christmas Eve. 

The books:

"Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch

Just the title had me in tears. Then I opened the book and saw this:

It says: Dedicated to Jacob, the nephew/grandson/cousin we never got to know, but will never forget. 

It is signed by Andy, Laurie and Ben; Lindsay and Brian; Jessie and Dave; and Nana and Grandpa. 

Lindsay told me she looked up Robert Munsch and discovered that he wrote the book in memory of his 2 stillborn babies, born in 1979 and 1980.

The Butterfly Book:

They know that butterflies remind me of Jacob. The inscription in this book says:

To Dear Jacob Evan on your 1st Christmas. Love Nana and Grandpa

The box:

Lindsay found the pictures of Jacob's name that other baby loss Mom's have done, printed out some and put them in this box. She chose one of her favourites for the front of the box. Engraved on the front is June 1, 2010. 

The stocking:

This touched me alot. Now Jacob had a stocking to put with everyone else's. On Christmas Day, I discovered Laurie (my pregnant sister) sleeping on the couch with the stocking.

Inside the stocking was this key chain:

After we looked through everything and I composed myself a little, Ted and I hugged everyone in the room. I spent the rest of the night sitting on the chair with the items, holding the bear and occassionally opening the books and re-reading the inscriptions. I couldn't do that much though, because I started crying again every time I did.

Jessie also gave me this ornament for Jacob a few weeks ago. When it isn't on the tree, it is hanging in our bedroom.

I found out the next day that the whole thing was Lindsay's idea and everyone did some part of it. As Lindsay left last night, I thanked her for saving Christmas. We still had alot of hard times on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but without knowing that everyone was thinking about Jacob and all of the thoughtfulness they put into this gift, it would have been alot worse.