I finally did it. I love it, it is exactly how I have pictured it since June. The last few days the desire to get a tattoo has gotten even stronger and today I knew that I had to do it before Christmas. We took a chance and went to the tattoo place to see if it could be done today and they had a few cancellations. It was worth the pain (and it sure did hurt). I got it on my left ankle because it was Jacob's left leg that was affected by the amniotic bands.
I feel like the open wound that I have been walking around with has healed just a tiny bit, for today anyway. The big gaping hole that Jacob left has gotten a tiny bit smaller. I had no idea that getting a tattoo would make me feel that way.
After getting the tattoo, we went downtown to the garden to visit. I starting crying as soon as I walked in the garden, talking to Jacob in my head and telling what I did today, just because of him and just for him. Looking at the spot where he is buried....it just looks so empty, especially since there aren't any flowers there now and there aren't any leaves on the tree.
As Ted and I walked away, Ted said how hard it is to go there, how hard the whole situation is. It sure is.....
Then we went to work on the original mission of the day, to find a bear to represent Jacob in our family pictures. We really wanted to get the bear before Christmas. I am going to knit a sweater for the bear (maybe it is a bit ambitious considering how busy the week is going to be) with a "J" on the chest. We went to 10 stores before we found it. There were some that were close, but they weren't perfect. We both loved this one as soon as we saw it.