My sister Jessie was at the cottage last week with my parents. She told me about a conversation they had which had made me feel good.
They were sitting around talking about who should sleep in what room when we are all supposed to go up in a few weeks. My Mom said that Ted and I would want the butterfly room (called that because of the butterfly wallpaper) because we like butterflies. My Dad said that he wasn't sure if it would make us too sad. My Mom said that we want to talk about Jacob, we like it, and we like when other people do too.
At some point, my Mom said that Jacob would be almost 9 months old. I didn't know that she has been keeping track and it means a lot to me that she knows how old he would be right now.
My Mom called me the other day and said that she got me an umbrella because it has butterflies on it. She didn't know if I would want it or not, but I do, if only for the thought she put into buying it.
I found out for sure that I am pregnant today (I've written more about it on my other blog). My fourth pregnancy. We are overjoyed. The fear hasn't totally set in yet and I am fine with that. I know everything that can go wrong, but if it isn't dominating my thoughts, I am happy. I've talked to Jacob a bit more today, thanking him mostly.
We went to Costco today to get more pregnancy tests (4 Clearblue tests for $19!) and I was looking at sleepers. I found a 9 month size one and quickly laid it on my chest, as if a baby was wearing it, his head was resting on my shoulder. I wanted to see how big Jacob would probably be. I did it all really quickly because I didn't really want anyone to wonder what I was doing. We have missed out on so much and we will always be missing out. But we are in a better place than we were last month at this time and we are grateful for that.