Friday, June 17, 2011

The things Ben says

Laurie called me tonight while Ted and I were on the way home on the GO train. She said that what she was going to tell me might make me cry so I knew it had something to do with Jacob.

Just before she called, she was sitting with Ben and holding him and saying that she remembers when he was a little baby. Ben started talking and said that Jacob is up in the sky, way way up in the sky. I think he said it twice. He said something about playing so she asked Ben if he ever plays with Jacob and Ben said no, not really just with everyone.  I also hope that Jacob will come to Ben somehow and Ben will tell us about it. I could tell that Laurie was just about to cry when she told me this and that made me happy too, to know that she misses Jacob. I know she does, it is just nice to hear it sometimes.

She put Ben on the phone and asked him to tell me what he said and he talked really fast and I couldn't understand most of what he said, I just heard him say Jacob's name.

I felt so good and I talked to Jacob in my head a little. Even if Ben didn't see anything just then that made him talk about Jacob, I love that he was thinking about him. I think I talked to Ben a few weeks ago about Jacob being in Heaven, which is in the sky. Laurie said that she has told him that in the past, but she hadn't mentioned Jacob to him all day. It was totally out of the blue.

We got home and I just had to go over, so Ted and I got changed and walked to their house. I told Laurie how happy I was with what happened and how happy it made me that she was emotional about it too. I felt so good that I wanted to hold the baby, so I did. I thought of Jacob while I was holding him, of course, and of August and Cub, but I wasn't overwhelmed with sadness.

As Ted and I walked home, I talked and talked and said how happy I was that Ben had said that and Ted said he could see it.

Yesterday I had a moment of feeling like my old self. We were going for our usual evening walk and it happened and then it left, but it was nice. I told Ted that I had felt like my old self for a few seconds and he was glad and said that it has been a long time. It has. I often forget what I was like before he died. That girl seems so distant, like someone I knew once years ago.


Becky said...

That made me cry hearing that Ben said that about Jacob. Kids can say the sweetest things sometimes without even knowing.

The Wellman's said...

Aww :( made me cry too. I'm so happy you had a great day!

Elaine said...

That is so sweet. Ben sounds like such a sensitive little man. You know I am always looking for someone to arrange a marriage to Abigail with!! I'm so glad Jacob is remembered and thought of so often by your family. It really does make a big difference to know they care like that.

Rhiannon said...

I think it is so wonderful that Ben just brings Jacob up out of the blue. That is such a testament to your family and it shows that they all are missing him with you and that they are not afraid to bring him up or say his name. I am glad that you got a little feeling of your old self, even if it was just for a minute. Sometimes it feels so good to just "feel good". I hope that you have more moments like that in the future. Lots of love...