Laurie called me tonight while Ted and I were on the way home on the GO train. She said that what she was going to tell me might make me cry so I knew it had something to do with Jacob.
Just before she called, she was sitting with Ben and holding him and saying that she remembers when he was a little baby. Ben started talking and said that Jacob is up in the sky, way way up in the sky. I think he said it twice. He said something about playing so she asked Ben if he ever plays with Jacob and Ben said no, not really just with everyone. I also hope that Jacob will come to Ben somehow and Ben will tell us about it. I could tell that Laurie was just about to cry when she told me this and that made me happy too, to know that she misses Jacob. I know she does, it is just nice to hear it sometimes.
She put Ben on the phone and asked him to tell me what he said and he talked really fast and I couldn't understand most of what he said, I just heard him say Jacob's name.
I felt so good and I talked to Jacob in my head a little. Even if Ben didn't see anything just then that made him talk about Jacob, I love that he was thinking about him. I think I talked to Ben a few weeks ago about Jacob being in Heaven, which is in the sky. Laurie said that she has told him that in the past, but she hadn't mentioned Jacob to him all day. It was totally out of the blue.
We got home and I just had to go over, so Ted and I got changed and walked to their house. I told Laurie how happy I was with what happened and how happy it made me that she was emotional about it too. I felt so good that I wanted to hold the baby, so I did. I thought of Jacob while I was holding him, of course, and of August and Cub, but I wasn't overwhelmed with sadness.
As Ted and I walked home, I talked and talked and said how happy I was that Ben had said that and Ted said he could see it.
Yesterday I had a moment of feeling like my old self. We were going for our usual evening walk and it happened and then it left, but it was nice. I told Ted that I had felt like my old self for a few seconds and he was glad and said that it has been a long time. It has. I often forget what I was like before he died. That girl seems so distant, like someone I knew once years ago.