Wednesday, December 14, 2011

It won't be Jacob

Last night, shortly after we got home from work, Ted told me that he has been doing a lot of thinking about having another baby. My heart started pounding a little because I didn't know what he was going to say. He said that he really wants another one, but in a way (just a small way) he doesn't....because the baby won't be Jacob and he wants Jacob. I want him too. When I was pregnant after losing him, I was happy for that baby, but I ached for Jacob even more.

But we can never have him in this lifetime.

10 comments:

LauraJane said...

I know just what he means... I want Jack more than I've ever wanted ANYTHING. It's impossible not to be thinking about that first baby when you're pregnant (or thinking about having another baby) since your heart desires THAT so much.

:(

Becky said...

I Know just what you all mean. I am happy to be pregnant again but what I want is my little boy, my Liam, and that's the one thing I can't have.

Melissa said...

I'm not pregnant, but when I think about wanting another baby I get the same feeling. I think all baby lost parents have those thoughts because they feel guilty and think that they're replacing their angel baby. I think it's very normal. Thinking of you <3

Julie said...

i have had exactly these same thoughts, my friend. thinking of you.

The Wellman's said...

thinking of you Dana

Violet1122 said...

I still miss my babies and I wish I could have them here with me... even with my newest, healthy baby in my arms. So I know exactly what you mean.

((Hugs))

Mama Jen said...

I know what he means. I think the longing to have Angel back will never go away, will it? I see moms that have rainbows and the pain from losing their previous child is still there - loud and clear. You still miss that unique individual.

cullensblessings said...

I know.. and yet still my heart aches. xo...

Priscilla said...

It's just so hard. No child can replace the ones we've lost. During our pregnancy with Samuel, James was really scared he wouldn't love him, because Sam just wasn't Jacob, Jordan, or Olivia and emotionally, he was done with it all -- he didn't want another child...he wanted our first three back. If that makes sense...

Lots of love to you and Ted.

Drew's Parents said...

Jacob was your first baby, and he will always hold that special place in your family. No one will ever replace him. You and Ted will fall in love with your rainbow babies while still remembering that first love. Sending you big supportive hugs today!