Sunday, September 11, 2011

At the garden

Ted and I stopped by the garden yesterday. As soon as we walked in, Ted noticed a bird sitting on top of the trellis . It looked like the bird was watching over the garden and Jacob. It stayed there the whole time we were there. Because I like signs from my baby, I hoped this was one. I haven't seen a bird stay so still like that for so long.




I went with Laurie, Ben and Daniel to the Farmer's Market near our houses yesterday morning. Laurie had Ben in a stroller and Daniel in a sling. I didn't push the stroller for awhile, I was waiting to figure out if I would be OK with doing it. I soon decided I was and pushed Ben. Once in the mall parking lot where the market is, I reached for the baby (which is a huge accomplishment for me and is happening more and more lately) and held him for a bit while Laurie pushed the stroller. Suddenly the "what should have beens" flooded me and overwhelmed me. I told her she had to hold the baby and why and I pushed Ben again while crying (and trying not too). I had all these plans of how Laurie and I would have been spending time together a lot with our babies. We would both have been on maternity leave right now. It would have worked out so well.

I also realized something else. I haven't seen many monarch butterflies this summer, just one here and there. Yesterday I saw a lot of them (they kept flying in front of our car as we drove around). On July 1, 2010, Jacob's one month anniversary, we were sitting at the garden. I was crying a lot and asked Jacob to send me a butterfly to let me know he is OK. Within a minute a monarch appeared and landed 3 times on the tree he is buried under and then flew towards Ted and I. I have always considered that a sign, but do even more now, since realizing how few monarch's I've seen over the summer until now. Maybe they aren't around much until this time of year. Whatever it is, it makes that sign even more special and makes me feel even more sure of it.

4 comments:

cullensblessings said...

Sweet Dana I hope the wings of butterflies continue to cross your path at the moments when you most need them. You are a very strong and courageous woman. I'm not sure I could have pushed that pram. Sending you lots of love...

Violet1122 said...

I hope you see lots more butterflies in the coming days. And birds too.

((Big Hugs))

Drew's Parents said...

<3 I am thinking about you and sending you a lot of love. <3 I was so moved by the bird looking over Jacob's garden. You are such an incredible mom, sister, aunt, daughter, wife, and friend. I am hoping and praying that you and Ted will have your rainbow!

Megan said...

Dana, I've never commented on your blog but I've been reading it for a long time now. I am constantly encouraged by your strength through all your losses. I was browsing craft sites today and saw this and thought of you. The message seemed perfect in addition to the symbol. Thinking of you often.

http://emilyclairecreations.blogspot.com/2011/09/for-love-of-butterflies.html