Memories Above the Clouds - By Ted

Ted went to Ottawa overnight last week. When we spoke on the phone, he said that he had thought about Jacob a lot on the flight there, but wanted to write down his thoughts rather than tell me. 

Here is what he wrote today. I was in tears reading it. 

As I flew from Toronto to Ottawa for a conference, I could not seem to relax as the plane increased it’s altitude to break through the clouds. As the plane raised above the clouds, my first thought was “Jacob are you here? Are you keeping me company or playing among the other children of heaven? Are you calling me? As my eyes searched the clouds for his image, his reflection or some indication that he was or is here, my heart  and emotions braced for yet another disappointment.

Then it hit me…………………Ahhhhhhh…. That comforting feeling that I am once again close to him physically. The same feeling as the day he came into our lives and then was taken away. I then relaxed, eased back into my seat and whispered his name several times. This made me feel better and closer to him, as if he was waiting for me to call him forth. 

With my eyes peering across the bright clouded horizon, I spoke comforting words to him, telling him how much I love him and miss him. This was a very special moment for me. I felt him acknowledging my words and sending his love back. In my heart I’m sure he’s telling us how much he loves us and wishes he could have stayed (my little boy is saying “tell mommy I’m sorry and not to cry”). 

As the plane started it’s descent to Ottawa, I knew we didn’t have much time until the distance will separate us once again. Descending through the clouds, I searched for his image, a clouded silhouette of him, but nothing formed as I returned to the reality of living without my Jacob.

Now, reflecting back to the time I had with Jacob above the clouds, those are moments I can cherish. Moments of being physically close to my baby once again.