Friday, November 5, 2010

I have helped someone else

Tonight my friend Anna called. We talked for awhile and then she said that she wanted to let me know that I helped someone today. Her chiropractor has been off work for 2 weeks and Anna assumed that she had the flu or something. When she saw the chiropractor, she asked how she was feeling and her chiro (I'll call her Kim...I'm not sure what her name is) said that she actually lost a baby. Anna responded really well. She asked how far along she was and talked to Kim about it a bit and said that she hadn't been showing at all so she had had no idea that she was pregnant. It was Kim's second pregnancy. She said that Kim is taller and skinnier than I am and Kim said that she didn't show until she was 6 months pregnant with her first. Kim said she had thought that she was about 3 months pregnant, but when the baby was born, it was determined that she had been 20 weeks pregnant and the baby lived for an hour. This only happened 2 weeks ago. Anna told Kim that a close friend of hers lost her baby at the same time in the pregnancy and that I had found alot of resources online. Kim said she had been looking, but hadn't found anything. So Anna got home and took all the links from my Facebook account that she could find and emailed them to Kim. Kim wrote back thanking her. I told Anna that she can give Kim my name and number and that she can call me anytime. I hope that she does. I was given the name and number of a baby loss Mom who I called 5 days after having Jacob and she helped get me through a few tough nights during the first month, helped me to see that my thoughts were normal and showed me that life goes on and you can live a fairly normal life again after losing a baby. I remember looking at Amanda's facebook pictures, taken in the years after she lost Sam, and being amazed that she could be smiling for the pictures and that she looked geniunely happy. I would love it if I could talk to Kim and help her feel understood and not alone.

I told Anna that she helped Kim too. That by saying she was sorry and asking questions and talking about it helped her. It was also really nice of Anna to go through my Facebook profile and pick out links from there to send to her.

I shudder to think of how Kim is feeling right now. The early days after loss are so horrible.


car said...

Dana, while it's awful that "Kim" has lost her child, it is good that you were able to help her. It's extra special that it was through your friend Anna and that you and Jacob have been able to show Anna what she could do to help a mother who has lost a child.

Rhiannon said...

That is wonderful that you were able to help someone else. It is such a good feeling even though the circumstances are terrible. I hope that she calls you. She would be lucky to have you as a friend!

Drew's Parents said...

Both you and Anna are amazing friends. <3 I am so glad that Anna was able to find the resources on your facebook to share with Kim. We all know she is going through hell right now, and the resources you made available and that Anna shared will hopefully help her on her journey. Your beautiful Jacob continues to make such a difference in people's lives. I am sending love your way! <3 <3 <3

Violet1122 said...

When I learn of someone who has lost a baby, even someone I don't know, I get that sick heartache feeling too.

I'm glad your friend Anna shared the resources you have. It's a pretty funny thing, the people we end up connecting with and affecting through babyloss.

I hope you hear from her - but if not, I have no doubt she is at least exploring the babyloss community online.

Thinking of you so often...

Danae said...

As horrible as our situations are, there is still a little comfort in knowing that for new "members" of our community, we can be of help. Whether it be sharing links, or sharing our stories, or just being there in whatever way we can to support this person, it's huge. Only someone who has been in this situation knows how huge that is.

I am glad that you and Anna were there for "Kim". My heart goes out to her as the first days and weeks of this journey still sit all too fresh.

Thinking of you and Jacob and sending you my love. I think of you both daily, and I hope you are doing as well as you can be doing. Love and hugs!!!