Monday, November 1, 2010

5 months

Dear Jacob,

Today is 5 months since you were born and we held you for the last time. I can’t believe how fast, and how slow, time has passed. I never, ever thought that I would make it this far. Now I have survived 5 months without you and I have survived your due date, both of which seemed impossible just a short while ago.

I just want you to know that we miss you every single day. No one will ever take your place and you will always be a member of our family. A few weeks ago I told your Dad that I want something to represent you in any family pictures that we do. We decided on a Teddy Bear that has your name embroidered on the front.

There is a song that runs through my head almost all the time. It is “Still” by Gerrit Hofsink. I even wake up in the middle of the night and it is running through my head and I feel like I am talking to you as I think of or sing the words.

STILL
Music & lyrics: Gerrit Hofsink

I’ve been waiting for you
For such a long time
You’re always on my mind

And I’m lying awake
Most of the night
Waiting to hold you tight

Now that I do
And look at you
My heart is breaking
This can’t be true

Chorus:
Lost you before I found you
Gone before you came
But I love you just the same
Missed you before I met you
On earth we never can
But in heaven we’ll meet again

Close to my soul
Close to my heart
Right from the start

Lost in time
Lost in space
Can’t wait to see your face

Now that I do
And look at you
My heart is breaking
I know it’s true

Chorus:
Lost you before I found you
Gone before you came
But I love you just the same
Missed you before I met you
On earth we never can
But in heaven we’ll meet again

Sometimes I find myself wondering what to do
With this pain that I’m going through
But I know one day, God will take me away
And I’m coming home to you

And when I do
And look at you
My heart is healing
I know it’s true

Chorus:
Lost you before I found you
Gone before you came
But I love you just the same
Missed you before I met you
On earth we never can
But in heaven we’ll meet again

I miss you so much Jacob.

Gone from our sight,
But never our memories.
Gone from our touch,
But never our hearts.


~Author Unknown~

Love,
Mom

7 comments:

Drew's Parents said...

I love that song too. I could hear it as I read the lyrics and could feel the lump in my throat. You are so right about time simultaneously moving quickly and slowly. I hope that each day brings you and Ted more and more peaceful moments. I think the bear is a beautiful way to represent Jacob. He will always be your oldest child. I am sending you and Jacob hugs and love on his 5 month angelversary. I love you!

Melissa said...

That song is one of my favs too. I love the idea of the bear. I've been trying what to do about that too. I've been using a butterfly to signify Mikyala so far.

car said...

Thinking of you and Jacob tonight.

Violet1122 said...

Thank you so much for sharing the lyrics to that song.

5 months... My heart just breaks that Jacob isn't with you. I've been thinking of you today, and I sincerely hope you were able to find some moments of peace. I have no doubt Jacob was close to you when you needed him most.

I love the idea about the teddy bear in your pictures!

Sending you big hugs!!

Courtney said...

Oh Dana, *tears*
We just passed the 5 month mark for Wyatt on Halloween. Jason and I just stayed inside, didn't pass out candy. We just cherished our time together and made dinner together.

Missing sweet Jacob with you my friend <3

Wyatt's Mommie said...

Gosh, I wish things were different. I am so very sorry. I am just a few days away from the 5 month mark, and I keep asking myself "Where did the time go?" Five months, I only carried Wyatt for 29 weeks, five months is 20 weeks. I just don't know where the time has gone.

I think you are right, we are on the same schedule.

Rhiannon said...

What a beautiful song-I hadn't heard it. Thinking of you and sweet Jacob. I wish he was here with his Mom and Dad today...<3